Little treats: Highlights from my camera roll and other not terrible things

Hey ho, it's me, your infrequent writer of internet reckons. It's been a while since I actually wrote a post which might lead you to the assumption that I have had no reckons in that time.

Alas, no. I am still very much beset and bedeviled by reckonage and, in fact, have had a great many strident ones recently. What with all the nonsense¹ going on. I mostly have settled for ranting at my erstwhile co-workers and blurting things on BlueSky. Sometimes it all feels a bit too big to sit down and intentionally go at a thing, you know? Like sitting down to a big roast meal when you've already been snacking a lot?

So I'm just going to do a brain dump of things that I actually feel good about, or have enjoyed, or that have delighted me in some way in the last little while and if that feels like something you'd be interested in consuming, Internet Friend, then please continue reading (if not, see you the next time David Seymour AKA the HOOFWANKING BUNGLECUNT² opens his mouth in front of a reporter).

Let us begin.

Making me laugh so hard I become paralysed is his (Will) forte

I am a recent fan of Amy Poehler's Good Hang podcast which is just an hour of her asking various fun and talented people questions and everybody laughing a lot. I mostly listen to it while I'm cooking dinner, though there is a YouTube version so you can watch it if you want. It's generally a very fun time but the episode she did with Will Forte (whose last name I apparently have been pronouncing wrong in my head this whole time because there's no diacritic on his name and I'm a stickler with that kind of thing) has a section in it that sent me to, like, another dimension. I basically had to stop chopping vegetables because I was rendered incapable of working my muscles, breathing, or doing anything other than screaming with laughter. My body felt like I was no longer the owner-operator. Like some kind of very enjoyable "locked-in syndrome"?!

Anyway, it's in a part of the show where Amy Poehler asks him to explain what he did for his SNL audition, and she clearly knows it's a gut buster because there's a gleeful, giggly quality to her prodding and, folks, she is not wrong.

The clip below starts at the beginning of the story, it goes for about 5 minutes and starts slow but really gets to an amazing place.

[Content warning/promise: Contains the word "cock" A LOT.]

I just watched it again and I cried.

I find it difficult hard... not to laugh at this

While we're on the topic of amusing comedy penis, I must share a photo of the concrete barrier at the entrance to the car park at my work.

EVERY time I see this my brain goes "hee hee... PENIS".

That I'm 50 years old and still being amused by phallic shaped objects is something that I had not foreseen (but probably should have). If growing up means never having a giggle when something looks like a dong then call me Perimenopausal Peter Pan. I hope I never stop seeing penises everywhere (that came out wrong - please do not show me your penis in the supermarket³).

Charlize Theron on getting older

Another podcast that I am apparently the last person in the world to know about but which is insanely popular is Call Her Daddy and a recent episode with Charlize Theron was a banger.

Charlize is around the same age as me (she turns 50 on 7 August) and despite not being a leggy, rich Hollywood actor I relate strongly to a lot of what she says. She's incredibly open about being older and not wanting to put up with any nonsense, admits that fucking a 26 year old as an older woman was amazing, and reads men for filth on a number of topics including being hit on by a famous director (does not name names), and the bullshit they put in their dating profiles including that "saying that you're a CEO" when in reality "you work for your dad" is a massive turn off. WE DON'T WANT THAT!

It's fucking great. I have a massive (non-sexual) crush on her.

Who run the world? Cats!

A Boston bike path becomes an electioneering hotspot when various pets put their paws up to be "mayor" of said bike path.

That every single person who gave a vox pop in this story plays this straight is my absolute favourite thing about it. I salute you all.

More (non-phallic) delights from my camera roll

Photos I took of things that I liked for whatever reason.

Looking all Christmas at the bus stop

It's winter. It's cold and frequently wet. It's still getting dark way too early (but getting lighter now). Look, Ōtautahi Christchurch in the wintertime can be a bit of a downer so when the recent rain combined with traffic and brake lights make the bus stop look like a little mid-winter Christmas party it's nice to take a moment and notice.

Wall of flowers

A glorious wall of Lego flowers looking all cheerful at The Brick Show.

Just really happy with this cute combo I put together

"Blue and green should never be seen" is obviously not a rule I will be following.

I am extremely humbled (unfortunately)

A long time ago in a galaxy called "2009" I won a writing competition on one of New Zealand's main news websites, Stuff. The prize? A platform from which to opine 4 times a week with a guaranteed audience⁴ (and a laughably small amount of money). I did that for around 6 years but stopped when the combo of full-time work, parenting a toddler, and wanting to sleep became untenable.

It's also hard to have public opinions for 6 years without repeating yourself, saying things you come to regret, or just blurting out some lazy shit that you know will get a lot of clicks. Inevitably it becomes a bit of a grind.

That said, I did get a free trip to Wellington to the Qantas (now Voyager) Media Awards⁵, and I was recognised at least three times while out in public! For a short time there I was kind of Unofficial Queen of the NZ Blogosphere.

And then this...

The best thing about the gentle slide into irrelevance is that it's gentle and nobody points it out to you. AHEM.

But I suppose if you haven't written for a national publication for 10 years you can't complain that people who were in high school when you last did that think you might be Jon Bridges. Apparently.

A poignant life lesson for us all there, I think.

¹ Just in the last few days it's been the New Zealand government looking to disenfranchise approximately 100,000 people, the ongoing humanitarian crisis in Gaza which much of the world (in terms of heads of state, at least) seems content to not do anything about, and TERFs coming for Pedro Pascal because he called out their "heinous loser behaviour". No doubt by the time you're reading this 3 other genuinely terrible things will be headlines. And I'm writing this on a Saturday.

² This absolutely stunning piece of descriptive prose that I would personally like to see chiseled into marble and installed in the footpath in front of David Seymour's house comes via Emma Hart on BlueSky. I salute you, madam.

³ Suggestive looking courgettes ONLY.

⁴ Chris Schulz, who was also one of Stuff's blog "stable" at that time interviewed me about this 3 years ago for an article for The Spinoff and at the time suggested that I should start writing again. Maybe a Substack? So the credit for this email newsletter thing is at least partially his. Thanks for the push, Chris!

⁵ In the course of writing this I found myself wondering "Where IS my Qantas Media Award?" and it was in a box under my desk so I've fished it out and now it's ON my desk so that I can look at it and revel in my moment of glory, and the part that says "in recognition of excellence" (my two framed degrees are still in the box).