Going to movies by yourself is awesome, actually

Wherein Moata makes the case that a trip to the movie theatre as a solo activity might be the optimum way of doing it.

As I write this it is the end of a long weekend in Aotearoa.

A summer long weekend is both a gift and a curse. So many things to do. So much fine weather to do it in. At the very least you should get out there and mow the berm¹.

Waitangi Day in Ōtautahi was an absolute belter of a day. All blue skies and menacing sun². So naturally I spent far too much of it doomscrolling but also several hours inside, in the dark, watching horror films. Plural.

And as the title of the post implies, I wasn't at home with the curtains drawn enjoying my Netflix subscription. Nup. I went to the actual movies and did back to back horror films at a multiplex because watching a zombie film at 3.30pm on a beautiful day is my jam (it turns out).

Many people are of the opinion that going to the movies on your own is the saddest of all possible options but those people are wrong and I'll tell you why (and not just because I love a listicle, but I do love a listicle).

Scheduling is a piece of piss

Is it possible that one or more of my friends would want to go to see a zombie flick at 3.30pm on a stat day? Only barely. Could I be bothered finding out? Very much, no and I'm sure they're all grateful for not having to be involved in a chat thread that would have taken approximately 15 messages to determine, that everyone else is already busy or not at all interested.

Instead, I simply asked myself (quietly and unobtrusively inside my own head) if I wanted to do that and the answer was yes and I booked it immediately and nobody had to send me funds to cover their ticket and I didn't have to absorb the booking fee because I was the one who booked and didn't want to look petty by asking that the $1.50 fee should be split 5 ways.

The lack of awkwardness in my approach is honestly delicious.

Your taste in movies (potentially) sucks

I like zombie movies, generally. I almost never get excited about a biopic. I love a cheesy rom-com but basically only want to watch them on my TV at home. This barely scratches the surface of my movie preferences. You probably have your own but that's your problem.

I once went to see Evita at the movies because that's what the people in my group of friends wanted to see and was really, really upset to find that there was NO SPOKEN DIALOGUE. Fifteen minutes into the film I was asking myself if they were going to stop singing and maybe use their talking voices soon and that moment never came. It was the longest 2 hours and 15 minutes of my life.

I'm not saying that every cinema experience has to be a 5/5 stars one but I do prefer making my own mistakes to having somebody else's inflicted on me.

Socialism is cool (but not with snacks)

Get you filthy paws out of my popcorn, you goddamned dirty ape³.

I get to sit where I want

Some people like the back row. Some people want to be so close to the screen that they have to employ their peripheral vision to take it all in. Some people like an aisle seat.

Me? I like the middle of the middle. The sweet spot in the centre of the theatre. If you make me sit anywhere else I will be silently but persistently resentful about it.

And the rest

I will sit through an unspecified amount of end credits as per my whim. Sometimes I'm up and out immediately. Occasionally I'm curious about a song used in the film or wonder where it was shot and hang around for that information in the credits. There's no way to tell which it's going to be and I like being able to make this small decision for myself at absolutely no notice.

When it's just me I don't have to stand awkwardly in the foyer having half-hearted chat about the film before someone starts shuffling and everyone gets the message that this bit is done now and we're all going to go home.

If I chose the movie I don't have to be distracted by wondering if the person I'm with is enjoying this film that I chose... I can just enjoy the film.

My ideal movie experience is one is which I am blissfully unaware of anything but the film - this includes other people (even ones I like).

The two films I went to see on Friday (28 Years Later: The Bone Temple⁴, and Send Help⁵) by myself were in mostly empty theatres and I had a whole row to myself each time.

I loved it.

(Caveat: Even though all of the above is true I will still happily go to the movies with you if you invite me - I'd love to! Ignore everything I said!)

An artist returns! (chalk art update)

Mere days after I got all heartfelt and inspired by the chalk drawings that were no longer gracing the paths in my local park THEY CAME BACK.

"Did I manifest this?" I wondered aloud, impressed by my own amazing powers of influence, before my workmate pointed out that the disappearance and reappearance of said drawings match suspiciously closely to the end and beginning of the school year respectively so maybe it was a teacher or student? But I like to imagine our artist is a stay at home parent who hasn't got time to draw their lil pals when the kids are home for the holidays.

Whatever the case we are once again being graced by things like:

When I saw the one below I gave an audible squeal.

I bet you didn't know that the thing your day was missing was a dapper punny goldfish in a tophat and bow-tie⁶.

¹ I didn't though.

² No joke, our sun will fuck you up. And I'm a moderately brown person. If our sun was a TV character it would be an unholy chimera made of equal parts Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones and Benjamin Linus from Lost. It laughs at your pain!

³ When was the last time you washed your hands before you sat down in this theatre and how many surfaces have you touched since then? Hmmm?

⁴ Less emotional heft than the first one and has the disadvantage of being the "middle movie in a trilogy" thing going on but a good time and well worth a watch.

⁵ Rachel McAdams is amazing in this and it's dark and twisty fun, and Raimi is not holding back on the bodily fluids. Really enjoyed it.

⁶ Fair play if you did. You're very tapped into your own needs and I love that for you.